HomeENGLISHChristmas in New York: A Holly Jolly Inferno of Consumerism and Crowds

Christmas in New York: A Holly Jolly Inferno of Consumerism and Crowds

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by Walter A. Thompson

Ah, New York City at Christmas: the season when the city transforms into a winter wonderland—or, more accurately, a bustling, slightly festive inferno of commercialism, chaos, and charmingly disoriented tourists. If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to experience the magic of Christmas while simultaneously risking life and limb for a glimpse of a glittering tree or trying to navigate a hundred different languages at once, then congratulations, you’ve hit the holiday jackpot!

Let’s start with the world-famous Rockefeller Center Christmas tree, shall we? It’s a 75-foot evergreen, and, like all things in New York, it’s slightly larger, slightly gaudier, and—let’s face it—slightly more exhausting than you imagined. The crowd surrounding it is less “silent night” and more “let’s all aggressively elbow each other in the ribcage for a picture.” If you somehow manage to squeeze yourself in front of the tree (only after making peace with your crushed personal space boundaries), there’s the hauntingly soothing sound of a thousand phones clicking away. Nothing says “holiday spirit” quite like being photobombed by a stranger’s toddler wearing a Santa hat three sizes too big.

Then there’s Fifth Avenue, which has become less of a shopping district and more of a high-stakes game of “Dodge the Overly Enthusiastic Shopper.” The window displays at places like Saks and Bergdorf Goodman are a visual feast—if you’re not too busy trying to avoid a stampede of shoppers who are clearly hunting for the perfect cashmere sweater at an unreasonably marked-up price. The stores’ lights are so bright, they could power the entire state of Vermont for a week. Meanwhile, you’re just trying to make it past without catching a case of “holiday elbow,” a condition that afflicts the best of us during the holiday rush.

Más en New York Diario:  Slow down. Close your eyes. Hear the world.
Image: Carolina Arriada, New York Diario.

But let’s not forget the true spirit of Christmas: the endless holiday-themed snacks. You can’t walk more than five feet without encountering a $10 hot chocolate that tastes like it was whipped up by an underpaid barista under the duress of an ice storm. This is New York, where even the food has to be extravagant, because why sip a normal cup of cocoa when you could drink a half-cup of marshmallows and whipped cream with a shot of chocolate syrup that’s essentially a liability? It’s all worth it when you realize you’ve gained two pounds of festive calories in one visit to Bryant Park’s ice rink. Speaking of which, skating at Bryant Park is as magical as it sounds—if your idea of magic involves attempting to glide gracefully across ice while wearing rented boots that feel like they’ve been through three World War I reenactments.

Now, let’s talk about the weather. In most parts of the world, snow at Christmas is a cherished phenomenon. In New York, it’s a harbinger of slush. The first flurry is a lovely sight, until it quickly turns into a grimy, puddle-filled reminder that the city is more about surviving winter than celebrating it. You’ll get that picturesque snowglobe effect as you traipse through Central Park, until you step in a puddle the size of a small lake, which definitely did not come from snow.

And what of the subway? Ah, the subway at Christmas. It’s a symphony of sweaty commuters crammed together like sardines, all trying to ignore the fact that some guy in a Santa costume is playing “Jingle Bells” on a trumpet so off-key it could make you lose your faith in the holiday spirit. The holiday spirit here is perhaps best summed up by the man in front of you angrily clutching a Starbucks cup while trying to avoid the stroller taking up his entire personal space bubble. But there’s always one silver lining: at least you’re not stuck in line at the airport. Those people know what real Christmas chaos looks like.

To top it off, let’s not forget the holiday performances. Whether it’s the Radio City Christmas Spectacular, which is so polished and professional it may as well be a Broadway show on steroids, or the random neighborhood carolers who sound like they learned their trade from a broken karaoke machine, there’s no shortage of entertainment. Still, nothing compares to the spectacle of seeing a few hundred strangers “ooh” and “aah” at the same tree, while you’re just trying to get a decent selfie that doesn’t involve a blurry security guard in the background.

Más en New York Diario:  Halloween inequalities

Is New York at Christmas a magical place? Yes, but it’s also a magical place where dreams of peace and goodwill are often interrupted by someone shouting “Move, I’ve got a hot date with a pretzel cart!” It’s a chaotic, heartwarming, overwhelming, and hilarious mash-up of tradition, modernity, and sheer determination to get through the season without losing your mind or your place in the line for the world’s most expensive gingerbread latte.

So, do you really want to experience Christmas in New York? Sure, but remember: pack your patience, your best elbow-jab skills, and a credit card with room for a few extra holiday indulgences. It’s a Christmas miracle if you come out the other side with your sanity intact.

En español.

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